2025 Year in Review

After months of agonising over the dilemma of staying vs leaving, I resigned from my stable product job in tech earlier this year. I wrote an FAQ about it here, which is a little outdated by now. Many things have changed since then.

But what a ride this year has been, battling old patterns, self-doubt, and toxic productivity. This year marks both the Year of the Snake and the end of a nine-year cycle in numerology. Both equate to shedding old skin and letting go. I didn't put too much thought into this at first, but by mid-year, the symbolism felt almost too accurate. Both of these symbolism are also in preparation of the year ahead: the fiery, energetic Year of the Horse and the start of a new nine-year cycle.

Here's my review of 2025.

(You can also read my 2025 wrapped here of my favourite things)

Peering eyes

I felt restless and uneasy when I took my break in the beginning. The implicit weight of societal pressure to be productive, even at rest, was heavy. The guilt ate me up because I could afford the privilege of not working while everyone else needed to grind. I only deserve to be happy if I am productive or work hard – was my subconscious belief (however, ironically the bar for "productivity" was always raised when I was still working). I was worried of not being taken seriously, spending time "frivolously" without working a job. I wanted to prove that I had my reasons. I wanted people to see me in a good light.

To be honest, I mostly wanted external validation from certain people, like some men I dated. It felt like there were expectations of me to "work on my passion". Why else am I taking a "break", right? People expected something big like starting my own business or company, but I was at the experimentation stage. There was the desire to prove to them that leaving my job was a good idea and there was something better in store. But I didn't dare to say much unless I have solid work to show, at least not yet.

"So what are you working on?", they'd ask. "Just exploring and working on some projects," I'd say vaguely. They'd nod with understanding, but their look of disguised sympathy would cross their face, the unspoken "oh so you don't have a plan".

I also got too attached to wanting control, which made me more overwhelmed as I tried setting everything to the right conditions (Become an early morning person, stop procrastinating, finish tasks on time etc). The fear of failure (and success) crept up because things needed to be perfect. If not, why bother. It would take me a longer time to finish a task because I procrastinated, fearing the results. I wasn't completely incapacitated or constantly bed-rotting, but I could have used that time and energy for something healthier.

Even while traveling or working on my creative projects, I was overthinking and didn't feel like myself. The insecurities lingered in conversations, and doubts flooded my mind. When I saw my friends enjoying themselves during our trips, I worried whether my presence was even worthy. We would walk or sit together, laughing while I wondered if I was dragging down the energy with my silence or overthinking.

But I wished I had the wisdom to be more compassionate to myself back then.

Validating my own experiences

I love my friends and have a decent support system, but I learned that I can't always rely on them. Not because they aren't understanding or helpful, but I understood they have their own lives and I have mine. And when I received advice from them, their advice came from their own experience of what works best for them. I'm thankful, but they didn't cover my full experience. With these in mind, I learned that I needed to rely on myself more and validate my own experiences. It doesn't have to fully make sense to others, and it doesn't have to be understood by everyone.

The fear of being perceived or misunderstood sometimes made me say things I didn't fully align with. It goes back to proving to people that I'm doing "well", so that I can be more "worthy" in their eyes. But by validating my own experiences, it matters less to convince them my way. The fear shrunk, as the trust in myself grew, also thanks to this "hack" I discovered. That "hack" was turning inwards to my inner self, my inner child. Instead of seeking approval from others, I'm now seeking approval from her. Would she think it's cool? Would doing something satisfy me as much as it satisfies her? No matter how big or small I doubted something, I'm choosing to rely on myself. I myself see my own worth. Slowly and surprisingly, it gave me more clarity to narrow down my choices and decisions, and what to dedicate my time and energy.

It took me a few months to be okay with where I am now. I only started having a "proper" routine after July: working out consistently, cooking once a day, going out for personal work (or freelance work) in the day and staying in at night. I ran public journaling workshops around that time too. That was when I started to feel more comfortable with this new lifestyle. Consequently, I became more confident again.

After October, things picked up again. I started running and hit my 10k goal before the year ended. I hit my squat goal, lifting my own body weight. And I started @tendersignals about the internet. The last quarter of the year felt that life was moving again on my own terms.

Other notes:

• Add play and lightness in everything I do: If trying hard doesn't work, why not try it softer? It was more fun, treating life like a game where you gain experiences and level up. When I stopped forcing certain routines and just started my day when it felt right, I felt less bad and got more done.
• Have more self-compassion and trust: I kept telling myself I should have known better during the times my confidence dipped. But "should's" are also another form of judgement. The past me was doing the best with what she knew. But also having the trust that things will work out, one way or the other, helped recalibrate my nervous system.
• Time will pass anyway: I used to think that nothing I did would amount to anything, because I was running out of time. But time would still move on regardless. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I choose what I bring to each hour.
• Take up more space: I realised I'd been downplaying my work and making myself small. But the universe reciprocates and mirrors you. So, I'm learning to take up more space unapologetically and have more audacity.
• Turning 32 with 32 thoughts: I wrote about the lessons I learned in the past year on my birthday. Read here.

Fuck around and find out

In the experimenting sense. The more you experiment, the more you find out.

This came with embracing the cringe of doing things outside of my comfort zone, like shooting a self-portrait in public and publishing videos of myself on the internet. Neither turned out to be as terrifying as I'd imagined. I know I will get judged. But I will get judged anyway regardless of what I do. It's being okay with being perceived and seen in a different light: Try-hard, cringey, embarrassing. That's where the magic happens though. It's for the sake of growth, and worth sacrificing my ego (or is it pride?) for. Even though it's easier said than done, it's only possible because I'd built a more solid sense of self.

It helped when I didn't see as many people as before. I stopped saying yes to every social invitation, and saw fewer people (not in office anymore, after all). It felt standoffish at first, but the solitude allowed me to experiment without permission. I just did things anyway without consulting others. Besides, I have many interests that I never got the time or energy to fully explore them when I was working full-time. So, I'm grateful to have this period of experiments.

How I narrowed down

1. Noted down my interests in the past months: cosy internet spaces, going analog, third and fourth spaces, hosting, supper clubs, vlogs, to name a few.
2. Figured out common themes: spaces, intimacy, reflective, aesthetics.
3. Experimented on different mediums, mainly making reels and vlogs and actually hosting people.
4. Unpacked the effort required for these tasks and activities.
5. Narrowed down my actual interests.

From there, I could categorise the levels of my interests. This is the important bit! The first level is only liking the idea of something, the second level is liking something but not enough to put much effort, and the third level is liking it enough to put the effort.

I'm not good at unpacking an interest until I'm actually doing it. Writing about something was only a small part of unpacking, so I couldn't discern well. For example, I wrote about communities because I have been intrigued about both third and fourth spaces for some years. However, when I actually tried community building, it took more time and energy than I'd expected to organise and put together a space for people. It needs to be built with purpose and good intentions. For me, this would fall under the second bucket of interests.

My previous interests weren't performative, but ultimately I couldn't justify the effort-value ratio doing them on a larger scale. But I was still glad I tried them and knew what worked for me.

To be very honest, I was overthinking a lot (see: previous section). Because the answer was already naturally in me: the internet.

Make the internet more alive again

Recently I wrote about the internet (and the problems of it, and why you should have a personal website). It made me feel a more positive surge of energy. I wrote more about why I'm an internet native here in the past, but to sum it up, the internet is personal to me. It shaped my interests and most of my identity today.

The internet is easier for me to care about.

It was funny when it finally clicked to me that the internet has always been in my life. I spent my adolescence surfing the internet (built my own fansite, wrote fanfiction, talked to internet friends) back when it felt more alive. Now the internet feels darker, filled with AI slop, ads, bots, and trolls. It was funny realising I wanted to get back into tech, but not just that part of tech that people think of. When people think of "tech", they think of startups, AI, optimisation and growth metrics. I mean something more fundamental: the internet, a place for people to create, connect, and make things that matter to them.

I want more people to remember the treasures of the internet, not the algorithms or the infinite feed of mindless content. Social media is only one part of the internet, but it consumes everything. I want to help more people reclaim their attention and create more meaningful experiences online. I want to give back to the internet.

This is what I want to be doubling down on in 2026. I already have @tendersignals to start with. I'll continue curating my personal favourite websites. Maybe I'll build more cute, useless websites. Maybe I'll host salons about the early internet. I don't know the long-term plan yet, but at least the big idea has been nailed down.

An exciting year awaits!

Other 2026 goals:

• Having remote or flexible product management work. (Fund myself, work online, still keep myself updated with the tech)
• Organising an exhibition with close friends.
• Long-distance walking.

2025 highlights

• My favourite things in 2025: Covering from movies, anime, music, podcasts, reads, and more. Read my 2025 wrapped here
• Career/job:
  • Freelance writing.
  • Freelance social media and events/activities for a big mall.
• Fitness:
  • Running: Hit my PR at 10k, 7:46/km average pace.
  • Lifting: Hit my squat goal (my weight).
• Creativity
  • Wrote a lot
  • Restarted a new YouTube channel and posted travel vlogs
  • Started a mini Instagram series about third spaces I like
  • Started a new Instagram account @tendersignals about the internet
  • Picked up my camera again, bought a new proper lens, and posted photos on Unsplash
  • Did a self-portrait photoshoot in public
  • Furnished my home office space pretty nicely, and some parts of my home
  • Keeping a commonplace notebook and junk-journaling more
  • Updated my Malaysian artist directory database
  • Revamped my whole website/blog by moving to Ghost
  • A bit of: DJ-ing and creative-coding/audiovisual production
• Other
  • Travels: Bali (Indonesia), Hokkaido (Japan) - Snowboard trip, Chiang Mai & Bangkok (Thailand), Singapore
  • Hosting: Private writing circles, and public journaling workshops
  • Re-learning Japanese, on Duolingo
  • Watched Fred Again.. and Sammy Virji live

Breakdown of 2025 reflections by months

• July notes
• August notes
• September notes
• October notes
• November notes