Table of Contents
2024 was a long year, where I’ve experienced both my lowest of lows and highest highs in a long while. 2024 felt like it was divided into two halves: the first was about rediscovering myself, and the second revolved around contemplating my future priorities.
Returning to myself
I found myself with lot of time alone again. I wasn’t unfamiliar with being independent but it took time to adjust to that familiar rhythm I had before any relationship. In the early days of grieving, I pushed myself to go outside and/or do things I enjoy. I went back to my routine and created new ones to keep me sane. I couldn’t be moping forever especially over someone who betrayed my trust. It wasn’t truly a heartbreak in retrospective, but a mix of reopening my childhood wound of abandonment (longing to be wanted) and a bruised ego. While grieving, I poured my sadness, time and energy into rebuilding myself up.
I wrote more about my journey in my other blog post here, but in summary, these are the practices that helped me heal over the past year:
- Lots of walks
- Lots of sun
- Lots of old and new music
- Being in or around bodies of water
- Mindset shift: Let them, nurturing my inner child, focused on being more present — taking one day at a time
- Embracing the discomfort and feeling all my feelings (anger, shame, disappointment, grief) before processing them
- Maintaining a consistent workout routine: Strength training, pilates, and boxing and tennis occasionally
- Friends and family
Then there’s the topic of crushes or romantic interests. I realized it’s not so much about the person themselves, but more of attracting avoidant people (lol I’m healing from that) and being attracted to the traits they have but I lack. For example, I might be really into someone who’s very open and earnest in their work. That’s a trait I wished I owned myself, but I get to live those traits when I’m with them. Once I see them as who they are besides the fluff, I could slowly detach myself from the people who are not right for me.
It was also who I was when I was with them — more open, more relaxed, more fun, something more. It wasn’t really them who I missed, but rather the person who I was with them. But I learned I didn’t have to be in a relationship to be all of those. I can choose to be at any point of time. Some few notes I eventually want to write more about in future.
I also traveled quite a bit, opened up and viewed things in a different light, making me realise how tiny my (relationship) problems actually are in the grand scheme of things.
I didn’t think I would accidentally trigger a life lesson but there I was. That lesson still walks around in the same environment I frequent, but it became a reminder of how much I had become.
Deeper knowing of the future ahead
Just when I thought I was getting used to the pace, some big events at work forced me to reevaluate my career. Work used to feel like a place of belonging, largely because I enjoyed the company of work friends. But in hindsight, it seemed more like a distraction of what I truly want. Initially I thought of using the year end to reflect and slow down, but it seemed like time was up and I had to make some sort of decision soon.
For a while I thought I no longer aligned with the company’s direction, then I had doubts with product management itself. Recently I only really realized it was the structure of a 9-5 job. I’d known for a while ultimately I want something more flexible — one that fits my desired lifestyle, rather than forcing my life to resolve around work. I’ve envisioned a future where I’m working remotely, freelancing, consulting, or building something of my own. But the change is scary and daunting because it’s filled with so much uncertainty. I have ideas for projects, but the perks of financial security of a traditional office job is appealing and the fear of judgement from others further persisting.
I keep coming back to the same question: What matters more — time or money? The answer is pretty obvious every time. But now it’s the matter of taking action.
I’m aware that change is the only constant, but I think the sheer amount of change I’ve gone through in 2024 has left me yearning for just lying down on the floor. It’s uncomfortable to feel like I’m once again navigating a major transition into the unfamiliar. Again there’s a lingering sense that time is running out and I can’t afford to waste time on the paths that don’t align with me anymore. But as I’m writing this, time is running out is a perception I’ve created and I could rest by being more intentional with how I spend my time.
And there it is, the word of this new year is intentional. So, while I enjoyed the past two years of saying yes’s to almost everything (cured of FOMO now), I recognize I now want to set much firmer boundaries with my time — at least for the time being, because I foresee my life might change drastically soon once again.
Because time is finite, and I want to be more intentional with my time and energy, spending them on things that truly matter more to me.
Other 2024 highlights
My favourite anime/manga/movies/reads/music:
Travels
- Vietnam
- Thailand
- UK
- Malta
- Singapore
- Thailand again for Wonderfruit
Tried new things
- White water rafting
- Social blues dancing
- Padel
- Pickle ball
- Art journaling
- Quad roller skating (already know in-lines and iceskating, so yay)
- All-girls night clubbing
- Brazilian Jiujitsu
- Attended a gig solo after the longest time
- A guy DJ’d for me so that was fun lol (shoutout to you if you’re reading this)
2024 plans
- Holistic health & fitness: Continue strength training, yoga (focusing on yin), quality sleep etc.
- Hosting at my home: Small intimate dinner parties, mini workshops, and maybe house parties. (Gives me another reason to decorate my home more and learn to cook more)
- Do more creative work: Get back into photography, continue writing.
- Build more sustainable sources of income.
- Fun stuff: Travel more, surf trip, and more.
